Thanksgiving!

I love Thanksgiving.
Love. Love. Love.

It's my favorite adopted holiday and I love all that it represents - food, family and fun!
I am so grateful that this year I get to spend it with my little sister.
We have decided to be brave and bought ourselves a 12 pound turkey. Nothing daunts me more in the culinary arena that baking an entire turkey.
The boy, while a great help in the kitchen, is doing the 'can we do it?' 'should I get stuff from Boston Market' in case.
Is there anything more annoying than a doubting Thomas in the kitchen?
Here's our menu for the day:
Turkey with curry gravy
and then other non-casseroley side dishes (I fracking loathe casseroles) 

Things that are happening:

• An attitude shift about the in-laws living here. This might be a temporary insanity moment for me. But the MIL has been very helpful with my sister. I no longer have to worry about cooking food and all the associated trials that come with it. There is nothing more irksome than coming home and having the burden of food fall on you. 
• Also, realizing that my situation may be a bit easier than others who find themselves living with in-laws. One - it's my house & hence the balance of power resides favorably on my side. Two - I always find that the only thing the MIL imposes on me is the need for a polite conversation. So I may have been taking the whole evil daughter-in-law thing a bit too far. 
• My involvement with my city's community
• I am been serving on the board of local non-profits and the local TED committee for over a year now. And I am finding myself involved / invited with all sorts of cool things and cool people. It makes this place feel a bit more like home.
• I am also realizing that my after-hours work is FAR more satisfying to the soul than my day work. 
• The IVF journey proceeds on with tests and injections and egg retrievals and other boring what nots. We wait. Me not so patiently and the boy annoyingly patiently. 

IVF

Geez. 

What I really wanted to post about was our IVF journey. 

But have discovered that I have become the sort of person, who regardless of the topic, always finds a way to bring it back to the yawn worthy story of live-in in-laws. 

"President Obama won re-election" 

"oh, did he now? Do you know his mother-in-law lives with him? Just like mine..."

yadayadayadayada later I am mumbling to myself in bar while the boy tries to pry me away from my drink. 

Back to the story. 

We started IVF. 

Hoorah! 

Hoorah! 

My body is a well oiled lab, where injections and other whatnots are poured in.  

Here's hoping for tons of success and that our genetic material fight the odds to emerge victorious! 

The in-laws are now a permanent fixture. And shall be for a year and a half.
The boy had gotten his mom out but she moved right back in when the BIL had a seizure because of blockage in a vein. While I firmly believe medical happenings can occur to anyone, it is the utter lack of sense displayed by a 24 year old that freaks me out. Inane stuff like not signing up for his insurance. Not knowing how to communicate to the doctors and other piddling whatnots. The MIL moved in and immediately began fasting, which really is the silliest thing to do if you have a whole host of medical problems yourself. To each his own.

We have now settled into this routine where the BIL & MIL are confined to their area of the house and only come out for their meals. I have secured a television for them in their rooms and there they sit.
I find that I am the archetypal evil daughter-in-law, where they are not allowed to do x number of things and only allowed y number of things. But if I didn't have that much control over my life, I would go stark raving mad. Obviously, this has brought enormous strife to the boy & I's relationship.

But I firmly believe, in this day and age, I am entitled to a certain amount of control in my own house when it comes to semi-permanent guests. Especially considering all the allowances I made for them in the past 3 years. It is a bit sad that of the 4 years we have been married, 3 of them were spent with the in-laws lurking around in our space.

Today has been one of those days that I want to record for future reference.
I have been so blessed and am so grateful for all that has been happening in my life.
My little sister is now in the U.S., studying at the university in our town and living with us.
My parents left today and what began as activities to distract any possible sadness turned into a wonderful, blessed day.
I took my sister to all the places that I have been wanting to take her to since forever - my favorite Vietnamese place, my favorite store, trivial stuff like a salon and a library.
I have never, ever thought of returning to India (perhaps one day to Dubai for a while) and this experience with my sister has solidified my resolve.
I know there are many with disabilities who live fulfilling lives in India and I commend them for it. But if you don't have money or the toughest, strongest resolve, even simple stuff like going to a library, when your limbs don't obey you, can be a hassle.

Random evil thoughts

Two things

1. Listening to NPR talk of unemployment on slow work day made me feel grateful that I have one. 
2. Seeing aggressive former co-worker do my old job for which she has no natural aptitude made me feel intensely perplexed that she has one. 

I fear the dichotomy in my personality may be heavily oriented towards evil. 

So, it happened.

We had beautiful pictures taken of ourselves in T&T, some so joyous that I wanted to frame them. 

Taken on my iPhone. 

And just 20 devastating minutes ago, I hooked up iPhone to mac to share our glory on Facebook. 

And unthinkingly pressed the continue button on the restore tab on iTunes. 

Oh evil, evil iTunes - why, oh why, can there not be a warning that you will be erasing our precious images when 'continue to restore' is pressed. 

Why don't flashing bulbs and blaring signals sound or even a simple - 'Excuse me, are you really and truly sure you want to delete this gorgeousness before you hit continue?' 

Apple - my unflinching faith in your ability has been shaken. 

We are back from a lovely time away in Trinidad & Tobago. Much joy and laughter and discussions and bonding was had by all.
                           
And today I go back to work with this manifesto in my head - Done is better than perfect!

 

Update # 3

So, here's another thing we have been doing.
We have been entertaining a lot - more than average for us.
I think it has to do with the fact that we know his mom comes back in Sept, and though we still have friends over when she's here, it's never quite the same...for either of us. For one thing, the boy has to accomodate her when we have guests over. Simply because her English is not very strong and he wants to make sure she's not feeling too uncomfortable. Most of the times, this works out ok because because the boy sort of includes her while conversing with others and I mingle and move around and have a good time. But there are times, when I wish she would be ok with saying hello, hanging out with the guests for a short while and then retiring to her bedroom. Sometimes dinner/parties lasts forever and for some odd reason, she insists on sitting there, bored and a silent force hovering around the boy till the very last guest departs. I think it stems from her mistaken belief that she has to play out her role as a 'host'. 
Nothing irks me more than her silly notion that my house is her home. 
The boy & I got into the monster of a fight over a year ago over this notion. That this home, that we invested so much of OUR time and energy in, is somehow her's by virtue of her having birthed him.
The boy says I should think of it as my parents' home too, which altogether is a silly notion. For the simple reason that my parents have homes of their own and do not need ours for some antiquated cultural reason.
My parents and his mom are always welcome in our home. I love mine deeply and I know he loves his mom deeply. But for frack's sake, this is our home. (And so say we all)
Things came to such a head last year, that for the sake of our marriage, the boy had to make arrangements, whereby she lives majority of the year with her daughter and visit us as need be. 
Which is not to say, I got everything my way viz-a-viz in-laws. The boy's brother still lives with us. And will continue to do so for the next two years till he's done with school. But that is offset by the fact that my sister (at long, long last) is coming to live with us in August to do her Masters!!! My parents arrive with her and will be with us for 3 beautiful weeks - such bliss. 

2 Updates

I have been wanting to spill my updates on the blog and show it some much needed love in forever.
I find that every time I think of rejoining the blogging world, I go through varying phases of:

• Oh this incident is SO definitely a blog post
• Geez - would you look at HER/HIM trying to blog
• I am going to start blogging again tomorrow 
• I miss reading/sharing/tirelessly blogging (as Beks put it) and the camaraderie there existed in shared angst 
• Blog friends are now Facebook friends so don't know if there's anything that I want to talk about that hasn't already made it as a status or worse, what if they ask me about it on Facebook? 
• And then I go get myself a tub of ice-cream and watch endless hours of my new found obsession and go to sleep

But gawd, much has happened. I mean, a mountain load of so much.  


One - we are officially infertile. Well, I am. And taking meds/injectibles and enduring a trillion ultrasounds to make my bum ovaries produce follicles that will grow large enough for the boy's sperm to come visit. 
I have, on average, two meltdowns / month regarding this. I am not sure if it's due to the meds or just the weight of that word 'infertile' bearing down on me. 
For instance, I grew angry and red and burst into silent tears when I left my doc's office yesterday, because a) the apt was at 7 am and I had, in a moment of bravado, sneaked out of the house to go to the apt by myself and the news was not exactly encouraging.
b) I saw this:

Curse you, Anne Geddes - I do not want to acknowledge your baby in its generic yet oddly endearing setting.

I called the boy and met him for breakfast and we went over our doc's options of continuing on meds and coming in for another ultrasound on Sat.

I: I want one moment of clear, unstruggled for victory. Where this whole process doesn't feel so sisyphean and a baby comes to w/o the tests and the meds and angst. I just want this one m...
IM/The Boy: You have to stop
I: huh?
IM: This is our reality. We know our diagnosis. We knew it'll be a struggle. We are actively engaged in the process. You can't be depressed every time we hit a hurdle. There are tons of options. And hey, when we do get the child, you have excellent guilt leverage - "You don't have time to call your mom? Rea-lly? Do you know what I went through to have YOU?"
So that made me feel better. Because who doesn't like having extra leverage to hold over future child's head? 


Two - I am now 34. Which frightens me. Not because of the baby stuff.
But because I am not exactly the much more sophisticated me (the me with a corner office with hordes of minions who I dismiss on a regular basis to go forth to carry out my fabulous strategies) that I thought I'd be at 34.

.

So that hasn't happened yet.

I fear I may be one of those eternally thirsting for more-&-MORE success people. And my life plan that my father made me draw when I was 12 may need reevaluation.

Last year, I wen through a weird phase where I got locked into a silent but v.bitter competitive battle with co-workers. And I am ashamed of the person I turned into.
Every pin/status/work strategy/wardrobe choice  was to ensure that I appeared to be doing better than them. 
And this year, after much self-inflicted rehab, I am learning to not care so deeply of my image, as perceived by others.
And do the whole 'be the best that you can be' person.
I have this saved on my phone & in moments of despair/competitive rage/bitterness whip it out to read. Honestly, most of it does not relate to my situation of the moment but I have always adored 'To Thine Own Self Be True' and just saying that to myself centers me enormously.

I have even found myself quoting it while at my doc's office going through a transvaginal ultrasound. Can there be anything more ghastly modern medicine has come up with than a Transvaginal ultrasound. It truly is as disgustingly intrusive as it sounds.

So that's my story for the day. I am off now to go shoot myself with some egg enhancing juice.

The boy loved Kerala & said we were the Irish of India.

Yes, we do love our alcohol

It's my birthday & I'll cry if I want to

Well, not cry, but just do whatever it is I darntooting want to.

I love birthdays. Specifically mine.

Love them with an feverish energy that is little neurotic.

Happy New year everybody! Hope this year is the one for everybody, where everything wonderful happens and the un-wonderful things are dealt with in a spectacularly beautiful way.

Giving thanks

I love this feeling of the year where you can finally say frack it all - those resolutions - they're just not happening.

This is why I love Thanksgiving. It's the perfect time to pause before Christmas and the New Year and look at all that you wrought & what has been wrought unto you and say - it is good & I am glad.

It may not have been what you decided to do in the beginning of the year and you may not have followed the path you wanted to take, but things have been achieved and paths have been taken and people have been met & love has been given & for all that and much more - I am thankful.

Random image to go with my mood:

Thanksgiving

So we are hosting Thanksgiving at our place this year and here's what we are making, via Pinterest.

Can I just take a moment to say how very glad I am that the always early adopter of everything fabulous, Beks, introduced me to Pinterest? Its like Narnia - you enter and then you get lost in its mystical beauty!

Happenings all around

So, today the business partner & I met with some fine folks who we are trying out for our website/logo & other design works' stuff.

We've been doing the shopping around for designers bit for a while now and today after a long time, we finally came across a group of individuals who, we felt, got our needs.

So, thrilling day all around. Hopefully their estimate will not break our hearts and we'll be well on our way to getting our vision on web.

In other news, the boy & I leave for our Dubai/India trip on December 10th. I am thrilled to show Kerala to him because i feel he will have a great appreciation for the inspiring, verdant beauty that is Kerala. I do feel though that this trip, fun & joyous as it may be, will not be very relaxing.

But, it has been long overdue. So shall be happy that it is happening and not crib.

Catching up

2011 started with me wanting to write more but I kept wanting to wait till I strung the perfect sequence of words. And then a whole year passed and I was stuck stringing words in my mind and being too hesitant to put them to blog. So bear with the disjointed thoughts that pour out, while I get back into this blogging thing :)

What have I been doing this past year?

2011 was big year of procrastination. I started this year with tons of goals and then somewhere along the way, I got hooked on Korean dramas and lost steam.

Ok - that's an oversimplified explanation.

In 2011 – the boy & I went through some scary phases, from which I don’t think I have fully recovered yet. There were tears and tons of soul searing moments.

And though we patched things up, I had withdrawn so much from our relationship that reentry into it took me a while. We are, slowly making our way back and the boy has been solid in his support and love in helping me.

Enough of the angst!

Things we achieved:

We got our permanent resident cards.

The paperwork was not too cumbersome or this could be what happens when you put so much space between the event and the recapping of it.

I do recall my parents telling me to be thankful I was applying in this century of superinformation rather than when they thought of applying.

So now we are four years away from applying for our citizenship - yeeshk.

You would think having lived in this country for nearly 10 years would count for something. But oh well. We've lived a decade in this country. And I can't remember living in another country that felt more like home.

I think it comes from having led such a transient lifestyle. I don't think Middle Eastern countries lend themselves to giving an expat a secure feeling.

What difference has having a PR made in our lives?

Not much - except being able to travel to Canada without a visa (wOOhoo)

And last month, a work friend and I, after months of research, started our own company.

We have finished our business plan, secured our funding, and are now working with peeps to get our website/logo and other whatnots designed.

So that's what I have been up to. What I haven't been up to is:

• Doing the baby thing
• Getting healthy

You win some, you lose some, eh?

So we moved into our new place a week before Christmas and had the best and our first 'married couple' Christmas together

After almost three years of being married, it was very satisfying to finally celebrate a christmas together.

We went for Christmas eve mass downtown, entertained in all manners - house guests, people over Christmas breakfast, lunch and tea.

And went out for lovely drinks and tapas at night and had a generally delightful time.

New Years was a bit quiet after that, but lovely nonetheless.

I then had a b'day which we celebrated by going to the ballet, dinner at a cute Ethiopian place and a failed jaunt in the park.

And when we thought all was quiet and life couldn't get much more content, our lovely green permanent residence cards arrived in the mail.

Oh, what a satisfying January this has been.

It found us

We had some false starts, some ill advised dalliances, some losing our hearts to fickle structures, but at very last, when we least expected it, you came along & disarmed us completely.

Oh beautiful house - the whole year of searching, and wanting, & hoping was all worth it for you!

Even though we only officially close on the house on Monday, I am too excited not to share.

http://www.visualtour.com/shownp.asp?sk=13&t=2294411&prt=58

I keep writing & deleting my posts because there is so much going on but we are holding our breath that all goes well.

I love adulthood because unlimited possibilities are just a matter of bucking down and getting to it. But lord, they tag themselves with tons of waiting periods.

Tough as I find marriage, there is nothing that comes close to the joy of knowing that you are part of a unit. One that works together, waits together, struggles together, savors joy together.

In the words of the ever-relevant Take That :)

Hold your head high

Hold on arms open wide

And the world starts to come alive

When you stay close to me

That's right, Take That is always fracking relevant!