After doing our grocery, the boy shuffled off to his pool tournaments & I spent all day watching Buffy & Veronica Mars & Daria.
Which makes me wonder why we don't have sassy female shows anymore?
Whatever happened to all the delicious pithy Juno-ish dialogues that peppered these shows?
& the wild boys that these sassy women fall for & the words that follow after, i so miss it!
On Sunday,
the boy & I had our Sunday brunch. These brunches go so much smoother in my mind than in real life.
First, there's the actual making of them, then there's the never ending debate over music (the boy being a non-morning person & me being a HALLELUJAH IT'S.MORNING. DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IT??? person - caps & all), but in the midst of all that fussing & tantrums, tenderness & laughs erupt.
& We walk away with smiles.
Grouse though I do about marriage, it's moments like these that gladden my heart :)
I'd like to vacuum seal them to air them later for a smile.
So recently (like yesterday), I got hooked on Goodreads & have been prowling about the site, taking part in many splendored lists like their Best Book Titles.
For me, it is undoubtedly Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? (I think sometimes, I almost get a lady erection when I think of that title - it's such pure, flawless genius )
& then hidden in the list was The Effect of Gama Rays on Man-in-the-Moon Marigolds, a play I read mainly because it was written by Paul Zindel.
Ah, Paul Zindel.
You know how when you are a teenager & you chance upon something that none of your friends are into, & not matter how geeky or cool it is, that something becomes your special thing.
It's like finding a secret garden that you would like to invite your friends into, but you don't because you are afraid they'll want to stay.
And much as you love them, you don't want them to because it's the one place where you can enjoy being the only one of your kind in the whole world.
That's what it was like with Paul Zendel.
I chanced upon Paul Zendel in some low ceilinged attic like place of a secondhand book store in Bahrain.
His books were all about teenage misfits & I don't know why it affected me the way it did, for I wasn't even a teenager then.
And years later, when we relocated to Dubai & I did become one, I still clung on to him even though I never truly knew what being a misfit in highschool was about.
And yet I read & reread his Pardon me, You're Stepping on my Eyeball and it touched me in literary ways that only Nick Hornby & Douglas Coupland do now.
That feeling of isolation from your parents and that angst, oh that glorious teenage angst when nobody knows what to do with you or how to reach you & you revel in that feeling that nobody ever might.
I forgot him for a huge while when college & various others took over and it was only as a 19 yr old that I went back to him again.
And then promptly forgot him again.
And now I am afraid to read him.
I think it's the realization that growing up means that when you reread your favs, you are now looking upon a young character with accommodating compassion rather than companionable empathy.
*Wistful smile*
In other news, this weekend has become the designated 'chancing upon forgotten objects of love', for when updating my itunes, I re-found the strange, strange flightiness of The Cure's Friday I am in love
& oh, oh, oh!!!
Shakespeare's Sister's Stay!!! My mom caught me so many times doing the singing to myself in front of the mirror with this one. I think I especially loved doing the gleefully evil lyrics.
Friday, October 30, 2009
I was feeling quite miserable today.
It's so illogical.
The boy comes back tomorrow from a week in Canada where he stayed with the M.L. So on top of talking to the M.L. nearly every day, & our regular daily emailing to each other, I was also getting anecdotal tidbits from the boy about her & the L.
I know that technically I shouldn't be feeling as if I am leaving my bff tomorrow but I am having a little bit of separation anxiety right now.
So weird.
sigh.
And then the A.D. told me how they are thinking of going back to Canada from where hails the A.D's boy.
And gawd.
I detest the neediness in me but really how can anybody live without best friends of forever? But I know that the boy & I have to be patient & can not immediately do what we most want to do.
I feel like curling up with a christie or watching really, really old movies from childhood or flying my mom here or moving to where all my friends & loved ones can be around each other (not in the same house, like an insane somebody told me once, but crisis distance away).
And then I retrieved this from my youtube favs & feel a wee bit better. Like everything will be ok. That all struggles will come out right. And all apprehensions and doubts will be cleared and we will see our way.
Because this year IS better than last year and we have many, many things to be joyful about!!!
Edited to add:
I've been feeling better & laughing ever since my brother sent me these two clips on skype to cheer me up.
What is it about movies you see when you are kids that stay funny forever? Ok, granted there's only one truly funny line in this scene for me but oh, how I remember us yelling out - Look man, I am no allavaladi (vagabound?), I am Pavaani, a real professional killer - at random when we were kids.
& the one below. Oh Tilakan - how can you say such dastardly funny lines with such a straight face
I do wish more old mal films had subtitles though.
93 F weather, Fireworks, sitting on the beach when the sun went down, sushi in Miami, being sequestered in air conditioning, lots of shopping in Orlando, driving everywhere, swedish meat balls Kroppkakor (potato dumplings) & tosca (swedish almond cake), lots more air conditioning, cuddling with Boy & watching some old favs Ghost Town & Blade Runner,
& these songs from Ghost Town:
Friday, June 12, 2009
So I was reading (now that I can read again) a random book & came across a rather extensive para on Nirvana. Which made me think of the band.
Back in the 90s, I was such a boy band/techno geek. I loved them all - Take That, Boyzone, Backstreet boys, Boyz II Men - obviously at that point, listening to music didn't have anything to do with music, and everything to do with cute, cuddly boys & their little dance steps in the video.
And then one day, I was flipping through the channels and came across MTV's Unplugged, which the dance-step-loving-boy bander in me had dismissed as the most horrendously dry show imaginable.
And it was one of those moments when I got what the transcendental power of music was all about.
I just felt Kurt Cobain understood what I was going through - stressed about new school, new country, having to take the boards, new crushes. But more than anything stressed about making the right impressions. And not knowing who I was supposed to be or what I was supposed to do with my life, not having any privacy, and really not knowing who I was - if I was this me or that me & how to marry them all together.
I had to listen to the song again. For, the song still gets me. Though these days, I prefer the original David Bowie version (so much more buoyant)
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
I seem to be on a nostalgia roll here!!! Aw, Grover - I thought you were so annoyingly silly when I was growing up but now you make me laugh so! Oh, how I remember this song because my sibs sang it all-the-time!!!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
I heard Elliott Smith after such a long while today. I had all but forgotten how much I loved his songs, all those years ago in Madras.
I can't see myself as an aging organism. When I think of me, I always picture the same inside person or soul, going from year to year, picking up experiences & life lessons. But when I hear Elliott Smith, I remember what 19 was about, how I didn't think I would ever find anybody more cool than my friends (and I never did - M.L, A.D & R.P), how I cried when I first heard the song because I didn't think I would ever be free enough to do the things I really wanted to do, or be the person I really wanted to be. And how now I know I already was slowly becoming me. And I can see how desperately young I really was.
I wonder what the songs of today will remind me 10-11 years from now of the person I am today?
On the sunny side of life & determined to keep it that way :D
My sis is getting discharged tomorrow morning!!!!! Hoorah!!! triple cartwheel hoorah :!
And really, the whole hair thing - my sister was so blase about it & just ordered two dosas instead :)
Like A.D & redhead says - small price to pay & really the whole people staring bizz, our focus is about becoming healthier
I am so grateful to God for any and all mercies he's sending our way for this crest we are riding for the dear, dear, friends who get my soul & who are just a phone card ;) & phone call away. If you don't know it already, M.L, A.D., Redhead, Roomie & Giggles - I am grateful for you. And my dearest, most patient, most loving boy!!
Epiphany reinforced: I am FULLY embracing the happy, joyous little dance worthy day that is today, for on the sad/bad days I will have no regrets that I didn't live up to full potential of this day.
PS: Please pray for my Dad, who's going through a tough time!
Here's a little song to suit my mood
I fell off my 'anti-whining' wagon twice over the weekend. First I was dancing around because I spoke to her - spoke spoke where we traded jokes and complained about sore bums and what nots Second I started crying when my mom said her hair was falling. I knew it was coming but I still felt bad. But you know what? I am going to toughen up - this is what it is. It has to be endured. And we need to keep our spirits up and about it. But my getting back on the wagon periods have become shorter. So good! She's doing tons and tons better, thanks all for your prayers. I am reaching Kerala on the 26th and so if anybody wants to connect (and Hillgrandmom is definitely on my list to call), I would love to (especially those of you who have experience caring/dealing with leukemia - hint hint). No probs if you don't. My email id is desiinsmalltimeamerica@yahoo.com. Again Thank you all for your kindness - spoken and unspoken. Your concern has been so heartfelt. Random thought: I know understand why people have pet charities and pet causes. I am praying for all those who are ill.
The boy has gone to play pool & I have time on my hands, I really should be working out but I have been lazy... I was going to embed David Bowie's Space Oddity on here (because I just love that song during the Lincoln ad - it's ethereal but the Bowie version is too depressing) So here's what I am listening instead from the Shazam iPhone ad (which really is a cool ap, except for tiny starting troubles) Anyhoo, I leave you with The Submarines - You Me & The Bourgeoisie - (how pretty is their website!!)
