It's interesting that a solid 7 year live-in (on & off) relationship does not an easy post-wedding life make.
Not to say marriage is a struggle or anything, but I didn't quite expect it to be so much work.
Not after having aforementioned 7 year relationship.
That's the thought that runs to my head during the sleepless nights I have been having for the past week or so.
The sleeplessness stems from minor medical problems I seem to be having but the whole philosophizing process stems from the rather annoying things our newly wedded bliss has bestowed on us.
For one, I am not taking too kindly to the terms husband and wife. I especially detest the term 'hubby'. For some reason, it conjures images of sappy hindi movie husbands.
And also I hate the preconceived notions that go along with the term/role of wife. And so have been instigating mind-numbingly banal tiffs with boy about it.
For another, I have officially started disliking the jobless state I am in. I am tired of going for countless interviews and not getting anywhere. I lie, I have now come to a state of detachment where I don't care anymore.
I feel quite defeated & exhausted by the process. And honestly feel my time would be better put to use if I were to have a baby.
Which leads me back to my minor medical problem, which needs to be resolved before baby can pop up.
And so an-interviewing I go.
Third, I am so v.ambivalent about boy's family.
My brother pointed out to me recently that I tend to always talk about them as boy's so-&-so, and never my so-&-so.
I am guessing the fact that I still have not met them has something to do with it.
Well, at least that's going to change pretty soon.
So, perhaps when I have met them face-to-face and done the whole
'Kamon aachen? - Ami? Ami balo aachi' I suppose I will feel less ambivalent about them.
In my all too briefs interactions with them, I have found them exceptionally laid back, v. undramatic, & the teen cousins - a little overwhelmingly, too lovingly accepting.
So really I should be looking toward their arrival here in the states as an exciting new opportunity.
But I am not.
Sigh.
The truth is, I just do not want another family. I am quite fine and happy with mine. And do not want to have to deal with the loves & times of a whole new set of people.
How pigheadedly close minded am I? vEry.
Not to say marriage is a struggle or anything, but I didn't quite expect it to be so much work.
Not after having aforementioned 7 year relationship.
That's the thought that runs to my head during the sleepless nights I have been having for the past week or so.
The sleeplessness stems from minor medical problems I seem to be having but the whole philosophizing process stems from the rather annoying things our newly wedded bliss has bestowed on us.
For one, I am not taking too kindly to the terms husband and wife. I especially detest the term 'hubby'. For some reason, it conjures images of sappy hindi movie husbands.
And also I hate the preconceived notions that go along with the term/role of wife. And so have been instigating mind-numbingly banal tiffs with boy about it.
For another, I have officially started disliking the jobless state I am in. I am tired of going for countless interviews and not getting anywhere. I lie, I have now come to a state of detachment where I don't care anymore.
I feel quite defeated & exhausted by the process. And honestly feel my time would be better put to use if I were to have a baby.
Which leads me back to my minor medical problem, which needs to be resolved before baby can pop up.
And so an-interviewing I go.
Third, I am so v.ambivalent about boy's family.
My brother pointed out to me recently that I tend to always talk about them as boy's so-&-so, and never my so-&-so.
I am guessing the fact that I still have not met them has something to do with it.
Well, at least that's going to change pretty soon.
So, perhaps when I have met them face-to-face and done the whole
'Kamon aachen? - Ami? Ami balo aachi' I suppose I will feel less ambivalent about them.
In my all too briefs interactions with them, I have found them exceptionally laid back, v. undramatic, & the teen cousins - a little overwhelmingly, too lovingly accepting.
So really I should be looking toward their arrival here in the states as an exciting new opportunity.
But I am not.
Sigh.
The truth is, I just do not want another family. I am quite fine and happy with mine. And do not want to have to deal with the loves & times of a whole new set of people.
How pigheadedly close minded am I? vEry.
5 comments:
Join the club. I hear you, and I'm sure you'll do just fine. I laughed my head off at the "instigating mind-numbingly banal tiffs" bit. I do that all the time!
Oh thank God !
:)
Nothink like having others do the same thing to make one feel normal!
I hear you on the husband's family. I for one don't them either. My family is so melodramatic. You know where you stand w/ them- His? Nope. Mom is a bit. Also I take issues w/ her absolute lack of boundaries. Cringe every time.
Hindi movie husbands are sappy? The word MCPs comes to mind :)
Oh, How much I related to the not having any more family bit. And the nomenclature. I hate the terms too. I have never said "my husband" once without squirming. Hugs!
I find it really amusing referring to T as my 'husband'. Husbaaaaaaaaaaand, I call him sometimes.
And I get the not wanting another family bit. I found the incongruity of staying with T's family - how that's had to become my family and the place I go to first when I go to Kerala - all so strange, unfair and unsettling. Thankfully T's family are a lot of fun and it hasn't been as difficult as it could have been...
Good luck for the upcoming visit. What's made things easier for me has been knowing that if the situation was reversed, he'd do the same...
Post a Comment