Confusion is the predominant state of my mind these days.
When I am home alone, I am confused as to what to do, what to feel - i clean everywhere, i cook everything I can think of cooking that the boy loves, and then I see a picture of the boy's father and feel like breaking down.
the grief of regret is what hurts the most.
regret that he could not be there with him.
the boy emanates such deep grief - never before have seen such understated and hidden grief.
we are a loud bunch in our family - in grief, in laughter, in everything.
and his grief touches me more than any thrashing around could.
I want desperately to be his solace, his shoulder to lean on and i don't know if i am doing it right or not.
The boy told me that he couldn't imagine going through this phase without me .
which is the boy in all his glory - because even his state of distress, he knows I want to be assured that I am doing good by him.
i want badly to take this pain away from my boy but i know that the boy has to go through this one on his own.
Please pray for my boy - he is hurting so much.