WTfrack - Thoughts in the ME's head

I am packed.
I think.
But I need my lists to confirm.
Where's my freaking list?
Why can't I find it - 'cause My room has exploded.
Where's my 'Things to do' LIST????
must. find. list.

So here, I am, sitting on the floor of my room, with stuff and packings strewn everywhere, typing this out because I came to the laptop to look for 'To Do' lists but instead was mesmerized by idea of post.

To date: I have made 5 Lists.
one is a 'Things to Do' list, which includes a 'Things to take' list.
Then theres a 'Things to Shop for' List, which is divided in to Things to shop for in Bombay, Things to shop for in Kerala, Things to shop for in Hyd, Things to shop for in Madras. There's also a 'Clothes' & 'House knickknacks' subdivision.
There's also a people to visit list.
and you get the idea.
I am driven by lists.

Also,
Everytime I think of going home or wherever parents & relis are gathered, my anxiety level rises. My eating healthy and working out has slowed down. Yesterday, I woke up at 4 and gobbled down some icecream.
I dn't know why I keep sabotaging myself - its like unless I am perfect (in any task) I refuse to even go with it. This has to stop. For frack's sake, I am freaking 30!!!! I am reigning in my stupid philosophical meanderings of why I fail, and just doing it!
And screw the anxiety of what everybody will think of me, my body & whatever not - i am owning it !!!!

Shoot - it's almost 10!!!!!
And i need to get my nails done, whip the eyebrows into shape, finish the darn packing and clean this mess I made.

The sweetheart of a boy has made slow and tiny grumblings of annoyance at state of room.

Frack.

Called my parents up & my mom answered. My dad was too busy - with what else - his lists of things to do with / for me.