What I was really like on Thanksgiving Weekend

Did I have fun this Thanksgiving ?

I did.

Do I love the boy?

Yes. oh yes.

Does he love me?

Yes. very much so.

I know all this and yet during the weekend, I went through my Banshee moments
There I would be, going on car trip - tralalala wheee roses smell so good - and BANG! a wedding thought would come wizzing through my brain and I would start off slowly and steadily toward the SET THE DATE blahblahblah rant.

First I would do the guilt trip, then the cajoling and then full blown, no-holds barred torrent.

And the boy would smile and hold my hand and it would infuriate me more because damn it! I want him to react and be goaded to action.

5 minutes later, I was all spent. so spent that I fell asleep.

I did this three times over a 6 day weekend.

And each time the boy would smile and hug, hold hand, soothe, assure and

looking back, i am not v. surprised I behaved like above but am surprised how assured I was that the boy woudln't just jump out of the window or throw himself from the moving car.
I think there are times when I sincerely wish things were different about our timeline.

Like my friend B says, "I wish Ben & I's wedding would happen differently"

or just was less aloof with people other than me.

Then are the I thought would make me happy in a man.
I was so so so so wrong.
Because I was with/know/hung out with men who had all the right qualifying qualities and didn't do anything for me.
the boy and I gel.
Despite all the things we don't share.
We just get each other.
We connect.
We just...it's like before I can verbalise my ideas or thoughts, he is there.

(Why is it that some things seem so much more corny when written down than in your head)

So hence forth, because he is he, I am upgrading boy to the man.