Life is good.
I have been trying to deal with a lot of new experiences over the past month & I am learning that, despite all extraneous appearances, my Life is intrinsically good, & to be lived, and not to be whined away.
Happenings!!: My in-laws moved in with us.
Can there be anything more clichedly spirit crushing than that statement? It is so decidedly what I NEVER wanted from my life. But the Green Card they applied for a zillion years ago when the boy was a young un, was finally approved & yadadayada, they are here, with the teenage brother-in-law going to school here and the mother-in-law waiting out the howmanyeveryears it will take to get her citizenship.
They are nice people. I am yet to be bothered by any of the irritations that are normally associated with situations like this.
Except for the annoyance of having to share my space, and any kind of small talk I can muster up and my husband, I am as I was before - doing my own thing.
It has been 3 weeks and we have made arrangements where we carve time for ourselves, for our personal outings, for long walks, for our friends, and time for me.
However, I find myself wasting so much time resenting their physical (almost permanent for now) presence in my life, the allowances I must make on our time to entertain them, and the fact that I am too young to have semi-permanent guests move in with us.
I expected as both sets of parents got older, for us to share the responsibility of having them live with us. But did not expect it to come so soon. And on & on I went. And obviously, I would have been vastly more comfortable had it been my own parents.
And then LIFE & my higher power evened things out:
For, after almost two years of trying, I have finally found a permanent, actual 9 to 5 JOB!,
where I must dress up, get out, and go to work analysing and researching data and traveling and organizing and meeting and talking and doing all manners of work for a very smartly dressed woman, in a giant corporation, with a severely short but amazingly chic hair & nose ring that I covet.
Talk about perfect timing & me finally being ready to want it bad enough!!!
So, to put an end to my whining, I have made a list of how I am going to live my life with individual joy (with regards to this particular situation)
because really, I am of the strong opinion, that I must learn to deal with this situation rationally and not whine it away. For I have a sneaking suspicion that if I don't, some other visitation is going to come upon me to ensure that I learn the life lesson I was supposed to the first time around.
I have been trying to deal with a lot of new experiences over the past month & I am learning that, despite all extraneous appearances, my Life is intrinsically good, & to be lived, and not to be whined away.
Happenings!!: My in-laws moved in with us.
Can there be anything more clichedly spirit crushing than that statement? It is so decidedly what I NEVER wanted from my life. But the Green Card they applied for a zillion years ago when the boy was a young un, was finally approved & yadadayada, they are here, with the teenage brother-in-law going to school here and the mother-in-law waiting out the howmanyeveryears it will take to get her citizenship.
They are nice people. I am yet to be bothered by any of the irritations that are normally associated with situations like this.
Except for the annoyance of having to share my space, and any kind of small talk I can muster up and my husband, I am as I was before - doing my own thing.
It has been 3 weeks and we have made arrangements where we carve time for ourselves, for our personal outings, for long walks, for our friends, and time for me.
However, I find myself wasting so much time resenting their physical (almost permanent for now) presence in my life, the allowances I must make on our time to entertain them, and the fact that I am too young to have semi-permanent guests move in with us.
I expected as both sets of parents got older, for us to share the responsibility of having them live with us. But did not expect it to come so soon. And on & on I went. And obviously, I would have been vastly more comfortable had it been my own parents.
And then LIFE & my higher power evened things out:
For, after almost two years of trying, I have finally found a permanent, actual 9 to 5 JOB!,
where I must dress up, get out, and go to work analysing and researching data and traveling and organizing and meeting and talking and doing all manners of work for a very smartly dressed woman, in a giant corporation, with a severely short but amazingly chic hair & nose ring that I covet.
Talk about perfect timing & me finally being ready to want it bad enough!!!
So, to put an end to my whining, I have made a list of how I am going to live my life with individual joy (with regards to this particular situation)
because really, I am of the strong opinion, that I must learn to deal with this situation rationally and not whine it away. For I have a sneaking suspicion that if I don't, some other visitation is going to come upon me to ensure that I learn the life lesson I was supposed to the first time around.
- I will accept (finally) that they will be with us for at least 4-5 years, till they get their citizenship. Or at least the mother will. And she will return on vacations to visit. I may never be happy about it but I will, at the very least, remember the boy has a responsibility to his widowed mom.
- My first priority is to myself and the boy. Part of that means I will stop complaining so violently and not suffer so loudly to the patient, saint of a Boy.
- Even when we argue, I will try and not keep the grudge or examine it so minutely. For time is precious and I don't want to waste it being resentful.
- I will make the choice to be joyful & not waste time on the negativity of it all.
- I will not be bogged down by other people's opinion & judgment. Everybody has a right to their opinion, however idiotic they may be.
- I have nipped in the bud Boy's nonsensical farce of trying to make me do things that will endear me to his folks. Now is the time to stop raising my eyebrows so v.much, & to stop telling him - you brought this on us, you deal with it!. Now is the time to be more gracious, & to be more gentle with him. For in-laws have clearly understood that I am not a wallflower who will recede gently into the background nor am the acquiescing kind who will suffer other's opinions (minuscule as it maybe) of how anything in my house will be run.
- I shall not be afraid that my personality or my life will run away from me because there are others living in my life. It may happen or it may not but I am strong enough, and have the adequate support system to deal with whatever happens.
4 comments:
You're being very brave, my lovely. I so know how stressful that can be. And no, it doesn't stem from you not liking them fundamentally. It is about the sharing of emotional and physical space, as you pointed out. Sending you lots of positivity to keep you sane. Congratulations on the job!
f.
Wow...yeah totally agree with above. I can't even imagine how that would be. I'm so glad that you have clarified these boundaries and have also made the choice to give it a chance.
All the best for the new job as well :D
Fortyfive - thank you for that sensitive comment & the positivity that comes with it.
Silvara - thanks. I am glad the boy & I had years of living on our own before we had to accommodate others. And it's our house they are staying in than the other way round
so all in all, I think I am doing ok :)
ME
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