I have bum ovaries!
I think I said it before but then chickened out and erased it.
But now, I am keeping it.
Like all painful, secret things, it doesn't feel so big once it's out.
We have been trying for a short while but hoping for a very long while.
Most days, I am pretty nonchalantly strong & hopeful & positive about it all. My mother who got pregnant for the first time in her 30s too tells me to just be patient & stop angsting. My father, unembarrassingly enough, has been very needful of my emotional pain & tells me he understands how badly I need this [Side note: The older they get, the more the roles they used to play are being reversed. My dad, who was always the prosaic one, is now the one who tends to our feelings whereas my mom has become the pragmatic one & tells us to get up & get going already!]
Today, I am too painfully wracked to get going. The onset of every period is so heartbreaking. & It feels like we will never be pregnant.
Oh Samuel Beckett give me strength:
"All of old. Nothing else ever. Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better."
If any of you know of blogs with similar struggle, do point me in the right direction.
Edited to Add:
The boy's Kitchiri (is there a better Bengali dish than that) with random gravy, with a little pickle & Aziz Ansari riffing it up (don't you love that he doesn't go where every post-Russel Peters desi comic goes - to the homeland jokes?) makes me smile again.
I think I said it before but then chickened out and erased it.
But now, I am keeping it.
Like all painful, secret things, it doesn't feel so big once it's out.
We have been trying for a short while but hoping for a very long while.
Most days, I am pretty nonchalantly strong & hopeful & positive about it all. My mother who got pregnant for the first time in her 30s too tells me to just be patient & stop angsting. My father, unembarrassingly enough, has been very needful of my emotional pain & tells me he understands how badly I need this [Side note: The older they get, the more the roles they used to play are being reversed. My dad, who was always the prosaic one, is now the one who tends to our feelings whereas my mom has become the pragmatic one & tells us to get up & get going already!]
Today, I am too painfully wracked to get going. The onset of every period is so heartbreaking. & It feels like we will never be pregnant.
Oh Samuel Beckett give me strength:
"All of old. Nothing else ever. Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better."
If any of you know of blogs with similar struggle, do point me in the right direction.
Edited to Add:
The boy's Kitchiri (is there a better Bengali dish than that) with random gravy, with a little pickle & Aziz Ansari riffing it up (don't you love that he doesn't go where every post-Russel Peters desi comic goes - to the homeland jokes?) makes me smile again.
8 comments:
Hey, de-lurking again to say that miracles happen. Especially in this area. I have a friend who had PCOS - diagnosed when she went for a checkup before trying to conceive. Yet, within one month, pregnant with twin boys.
I probably also have PCOS and for a while was nervous about whether I was ovulating or not. I'm using an OPK, so know that I have the right hormones - still not sure about the ovulation though. And as you said, the onset of every period is heartbreaking.
I've been in this state for almost a year now, so have upward delegated. It's in God's hands now, if we're to become pregnant we will... if not we'll adopt.
Just... don't give up hope?
SC
Hugs Me.
It will be okay soon. Just keep the faith.
Hugs,
Lika
I understand the pain, been going through this for a little more than 2 years. http://www.stirrup-queens.com/a-whole-lot-of-blogging-brought-to-you-sorted-and-filed/ is a good compilation of blogs. If you need to talk or vent do mail me.
Kirthika (trying2bhopeful@gmail.com)
Its going to be better, Me....
Childwoman-
Your sadness came right through the computer. Hang in there and keep yourself busy and preoccupied with other, happier thoughts. Hugs.
I have confidence that you will be a funny, loving, wonderful mother, the only question is how and when. I am sending you lots of hugs and warm, (fertile) thoughts. (WOW. That sounded a little naughty).
Here's a blog you might want to read- http://lakshmusings.com/
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