I've been a lousy couple of days recently
(Edited To Add: uhmm...obviously this is some kind of Freudian slip -ok ! i admit it - i've been a louse these past couple of days)

1) i am having my periods and of course, that always makes me crabby

2) i am upset for the boy - i don't know of anyone else who works this hard at everything & doesn't always get what he deserves (except for me :), but even then he had to earn it :D ) & be so nonchalant about it.
don't get me wrong, we are doing good but his father isn't. and the boy's papers are in limbo, so he can't really go visit and yada yada yada later, it is a messy situation

3) i have grown incredibly large

4) i can't seem to get the job i want or any job for that matter

5) i miss my car & Priuses seem to be scarce, so am having to wait & wait

6) my house is a mess, entirely my fault - because apparently sitting at home all day long does not mean that you automatically become a good housekeeper. Add to that, the long suffering boy actually came back from work and cleaned up, which adds guilt on top of all the other lazy rubbishy angst i have been accumulating on myself.

7) i was looking at some old photographs that we are framing to hang up, and thinking of all the good times and i realize i don't miss the past as much as i used to, back in miserable missouri.

inspite of my laziness, and expanding 'for no good reason' body, and unemployed bored status, i am sooo sooo sosoosooooo happy to be with my boy.

you know all those things they say about being married, it's entirely, entirely, entirely true.
Entirely.

I hate to even admit this to myself, but a lot of crabbiness and bitchiness of the last year really did stem from deep rooted jealousy of acquaintances who were married, when boy & i weren't.

Edited to add: Or maybe it was from jealousy of acquaintances who were together when boy U& i were doing our long distance thing. Come to think of it, when we were living together, I was not morose, I was not sad, and I was entirely happy though a wee bit on the feeling guilty thing.
so maybe the deep contentment comes off the fact that we are now together!!!
Together again!!!!

I am just so very much more content & happy & joyful now. so very much more. even if i am lazy and fat.