So the mother was all psyched and happy to take gorgeous wedding album to Dubai, for everybody to go oooh and aaah over.
But it didn't quite go as planned.
How can I put this nicely?
uhm....
People in Dubai and Kerala are just plain weird - that's generalization, maybe just people we know.
And weird is not the right word, I want to say they don't have any filters.
Apparently, the common refrain was:
"Why on earth did they have it in a tent?"
"How come the priest is not wearing priestly garbs?"
"Don't you think it was too much make up on her? she looked too dark"
"Why didn't she straighten her hair - everyBODY straightens their hair."
"What is that nest on her hair?"
& so on & so forth.
And it wasn't tempered by any, "oh everything looks gorgeous" or an "everybody looks happy" or "there's so much joy in these photographs"

I am noticing that my parents' relatives, and by this I mean, randoms like Grandfather's cousins and Father's cousins, and aunt's daughters-in-law, are inherently negative folks.
Its like they are scared that complimenting a person is going to ruin things.
And being happy and joyous is a sign of pride
and that humility, in all things, is the BIG IT!!! (such an overrated and misconstrued virtue in the family)
A.D says its because they are jealous but it can't be that simplistic, can it?

My parents, in photographs, look beautifully happy.
They are smiling ear to ear and dancing away. And all the peeps from back home snidely asked if they drank too much. The other relis in the wedding pictures look stern and foreboding, as is apt, they say.

I am trying to understand this mentality.
I am trying to understand the intense negativity that spews from the relis.
The kind that makes random reli tell my mom 'oh first you worry your heart out wondering if your kids are ever going to get married, and once they are married, then you pray everyday and worry your heart out that they will stay married'.
And random reli's child has perfectly good, fun marriage.
What makes these people tick?
Why are they afraid to let themselves enjoy themselves, or just things?
Is it because, that after a lifetime of having nothing to do and nothing substantial to talk about, this is how they deal with boredom? (too much friedan, you think?)
I have angst over everything and overdramatise every tiny over dramatisable moment of my life, but I know how to enjoy myself!!!
I know how to let go and just be happy (at times :D)
And knowing I have relis who have no clue how to surprises the heck out of me.

Because my parents are not so bad, for even though they come from stock like that, they know how to laugh
and how to do it their way
From falling in love, waiting it out, getting married, raising kids, traveling, enjoying life, being totally themselves to the point of fighting with us kids over it, and knowing how to joke and laugh around and knowing which are the best drinks ever!
I am so thankful they are mine.
cause if it weren't for them, I don't know in what mental state we would have ended up in.

And secretly, I am v.glad the relis didn't say all this to our face - my sister's or mine.
Because really, that means they are scared of what will spew out of us, right?

Edited to add:
Now that i have thought about it for a while, and thought more and written about it and talked to the sister about it, and dissected it to bits, I am of the opinion, that really....none of it matters.
It's small of me to even dis them or think about it.
Because I am happy, and in love, and have a lovely, kind family :) and I don't want to be that kind of person, who walks around with a pissy chip on shoulder over what random reli said
And if I feel frustrated at the thought of hosting annoying relis in future in sunnystate, well, i just have to be honest, I suppose or learn to be above it all.

And in spirit of honesty, I need to say this -
despite all I say and know, I crave their praise, I crave their jealousy - I desperately want them to go - my god, she had/has an awesome wedding/awesome life and I so wish I could be her.
I think I have always felt this way. I have always felt that I had the better life, the more fun friends, the infinitely cooler parents, the more colorfully joyous experiences.
And part of my frustration stems from the fact that instead of covetous praise, I get wicked scorn.
Its shallow I know. But my god, I would be jealous or atleast complimentary if I were them and they were I..
I am constantly bewildered that relis keep bemoaning my parents' fate - over children who are disobedient, unmarried, too skinny, too fat, too this or too that
And its puzzling the calibre of people who reign tips and advice on our lives - its always the ones who have never left the country, who have rarely lived on their own, or who have never earned their own money, who have never risked anything or taken any chance.
Underneath my righteous indignation, there lives a being who's going - are you fucking kidding
me??? You really should be bowing before me, minions!

I love how cathartic writing it out is.