"So how is married life?", ask random people
and I , hyper giggly answer 'Brilliant'

What I really want to say is 'OMG!!! THE SEX IS WAAAAAAY BETTER'''''
because I don't feel the guilt anymore.

When the Chosen One and I first tentatively got into the sex thing, a year after we started dating, it was one of those oooh, i so want to but know I shouldn't.
And being 24 and having kissed multiple boys, my body really did want to proceed to the next step. And of all the peeps I knew, the Chosen one was the one I felt most comfortable to enter, well me!

But gawd, 6 years, countless sexcapades and 1 Four years of living together, while hiding it from family, later - I was guilt ridden, fat and wondering what the big deal was.

But now, geez luis!!! what a freaking relief to realize I am good in bed and not frigid, as one classmate told me in high school on reading my palm. the bitch.

I didn't realize I was such a wannable puritan - I mean, I loved living with him, and would heartily recommend it to anybody - not living with my him, but your him or her.
There's nothing like waking up in the morning to the sound of your loouuuver's peeing that adds reality to the potential mate evaluation process. Living together - brilliant to get to know person - Highly recommended. No awkward - YOU DO WHAT while doing what????? conversations post marriage.

But I was a closet prude for though the being together in daytime was a hell of a lot of fun and even cuddling at night brilliant, the actual enjoying sex bit got washed away by my visions of Jesus tutting and waving the 'What Would Jesus Do' bracelet, while holding a photograph of my parents.
aaaww-kward.
Also, I wish I was the kind of person who could come clean with my parents about it.
I suspect my mother knew a bit, for when she was here for the legitimizing us ceremony, said

"Now, go full force. Don't do any protection or anything. Enjoy and if a baby pops up, have fun"

Now????
WTHeck?
Now?

she is more wily than I give her credit.

But honestly, I couldn't have handled the drama of my parents knowing. Or of telling them, especially when we were in our evaluating stage.
For neither of us got into the relationship, thinking this is it - This is my soul partner. We got into to it because we liked each other a lot and loved each other a lot and wanted to find out more. It was a process of tumbling deeper into love.
And I just could not handle the stress of my mom or her varied sisters calling and wanting to know when? when? are you getting married.
I told them a year ago about the CO and they hassled me to no end!!!

anyhoo, the point of the rambling post (i have it on my mind all day)

is

I L-O-V-E making love/having my way/sexing it up with the CO now!!!
Love it.
The sweet relief of Jesus in the background giving me the thumbs up sign because we are all right in his eyes now, oh !!!!

Simplistic version of sins being washed away and all that and most probably really not right, but oh, I can't tell you how free I feel to be filled with lust and indulging it!

Real point of post - no matter how out there I thought I was, and no matter how many boundaries I broke, the way I was raised kept popping up in the background. Sigh. sometimes you are never completely free ...
Here's my hope for future kiddies - to raise them in drama free environment where they are free to make their choices and feel comfortable enough to let us know about them.