Two days ago, the boy adn I were discussing reckless driving.
I have been very antsy - is that the word? I am a bit helter skelter right now - a bit muddled - but I have been one of those 'gripping the handles' while people make sudden curves or stop suddenly passengers.
It all seems to tie in somehow.
Today, I was driving to the new place with no socks (i seem to remember that) no socks, in my gym shoes to get my gym clothes to go for my weights class.
and there was 80s music on, which I had just switched over from NPR (i seem to remember that too)
and I was thinking that in the next stoplight I needed to turn left, so I should move over to the left lane, which I did...I remember I did that too.
And then things got fuzzy.
loving you was still playing but my horn was screaming,
an SUV was slammed into my car, and my car stopped listening to me, it was like my beautiful little car flew out of my hands, out of my control, the brakes weren't working and my car and I were pushed against another suv, waiting on the right side.
there was smoke and still hte music,
my horn blaring,
my sockless foot on the brake
and people swarming in the intersection.
An old guy made me roll down my windows and made me get out, but my door was difficult to open, the door was jammed weird.
I was wobbly, hands shaking and was helped by stranger blonde to the pavement, where I sat dazzzed.
I just had my first accident.
and my beautiful little car is gone.

A post thought:
I saw this movie called the man who cried the other day and there's a scene where Johnny depp circles C.ricci while riding his horse, slow motion.
and I was thinking to myself how all the boys we fall for always come into our lives slow motion, dashing and so mysterious and so in charge and then we get used to them and they are no longer all that and after 6 years, the excitement of it all gets swept aside by the mundanity of everyday life. But today, the boy came rushing by and just swooped me in and I was grateful to have him by my side. And strangely enough, a little turned on.
Its bewildering the trillion emotions that went through my head from this one incident.