Untarnished honesty
Yesterday, friends of boy had a long discussion about the notion of healthy food equating to blandness with the boy & I vigorously defending the culinary merits of health food.
We have done a bit of healthy restructuring of our diets because the boy is freaking smoker and since I love cooking and I have chosen it as my domain, I want to make sure there is something right going into his system
We:
But we kind of were.
We were looked on at with awe and called inspirational.
I've been getting feted in a similar way about my whole weight loss determination..
It makes me feel that I am doing something extraordinary and while in some people, this kind of encouragement and support inspires a desire to keep working, it has the opposite reaction in me.
It makes me smug.
Smug that I am doing a brilliant job at working out and eating right and how truly out of the ordinary I am for taking care of my health.
Which is complete rot!
When I started at this weight loss plan in December of 2006, I weighed in at an unbelievable (to even my own eyes) 207 pounds, a disgusting 94 kilos on my 5 foot 3.5 inch frame.
I was lethargic all the time, ungainly and yada yada yada whining about not being able to fit into the clothes I wanted, like the freaking universe was keeping me away from them and not my lazy, snacking, indulging self.
In the year and half since then, I have lost significant amounts of weight, have had setbacks, and am still traversing on the road to a respectable 150 pounds, which is my healthy weight for my frame.
I can see myself there before my wedding but like my mom, Lark and dad says - wait, you want us to congratulate you on getting rid of something that you didn't have the good sense to not put on, in the first place! We love you mol (not from Lark), and you are beautiful but this is something you have to do for yourself.
Which is EXACTLY what I needed. For the person that I am, only grueling punishment and withholding of praise will work!
Praise and encouragement only leads to my ego and ass getting bigger
So, with that, I am pruning off that self-congratulatory pharisaical part of me that goes = wow, ME, you are just a geez darn Superwoman for working out and eating right
and going back to being the plain 'ol me that has to freaking do it or end up looking like a fat cow in her wedding photos or having a heart attack or have to be operated on because there's lard in her arteries.
We have done a bit of healthy restructuring of our diets because the boy is freaking smoker and since I love cooking and I have chosen it as my domain, I want to make sure there is something right going into his system
We:
- 've switched to brown rice, whole wheat pasta absolutely liked by boy. Irrelevant to me since I am not a big rice eater & only occasional pasta person
- 're trying to stick egg whites with the occasional yolk thrown in for the boy
- 're using a lot of home made or reduced sodium broth for sauteing instead of oil
- do a lot of roasting, baking and broiling, when it comes to veggies, meat and fishand are looking to keep fried foods to a minimum
- switched to sweet potatoes but the boy is still resisting
- trying to switch to dark chocolate which is H-U-G-E deal for me
- and we do a L-O-T, a L-O-T of research on how to cook healthy well.
But we kind of were.
We were looked on at with awe and called inspirational.
I've been getting feted in a similar way about my whole weight loss determination..
It makes me feel that I am doing something extraordinary and while in some people, this kind of encouragement and support inspires a desire to keep working, it has the opposite reaction in me.
It makes me smug.
Smug that I am doing a brilliant job at working out and eating right and how truly out of the ordinary I am for taking care of my health.
Which is complete rot!
When I started at this weight loss plan in December of 2006, I weighed in at an unbelievable (to even my own eyes) 207 pounds, a disgusting 94 kilos on my 5 foot 3.5 inch frame.
I was lethargic all the time, ungainly and yada yada yada whining about not being able to fit into the clothes I wanted, like the freaking universe was keeping me away from them and not my lazy, snacking, indulging self.
In the year and half since then, I have lost significant amounts of weight, have had setbacks, and am still traversing on the road to a respectable 150 pounds, which is my healthy weight for my frame.
I can see myself there before my wedding but like my mom, Lark and dad says - wait, you want us to congratulate you on getting rid of something that you didn't have the good sense to not put on, in the first place! We love you mol (not from Lark), and you are beautiful but this is something you have to do for yourself.
Which is EXACTLY what I needed. For the person that I am, only grueling punishment and withholding of praise will work!
Praise and encouragement only leads to my ego and ass getting bigger
So, with that, I am pruning off that self-congratulatory pharisaical part of me that goes = wow, ME, you are just a geez darn Superwoman for working out and eating right
and going back to being the plain 'ol me that has to freaking do it or end up looking like a fat cow in her wedding photos or having a heart attack or have to be operated on because there's lard in her arteries.
2 comments:
I was just thinking this morning..if I had had ur discipline..I may have gotten further along on my own path. :)
It is very humbling coz I started at 185 lbs and am struggling now around 160- 157 range, getting all smug.
Hugs and (if I may) love you. You make a contribution in my life in many untold ways :)
No go run!
Sorry, ME, I'm sitting here laughing my ass off (if only it were that easy). I understand smug. It leads to complacency, which leads to lard. Been there, done that. Now have to stick to diabetic diet because I have diabetes - not because it's "healthier". Of course, if I'd done that in the first place, I wouldn't be where I am right now - would I?
Keep on being honest with yourself. It's the only thing that will work.
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