So ,

after I yelled like a looney tune ,
and then blogged,
I called the boy and he comforted me and took care of me.
And I just felt even more conflicted
How can I love somebody so much but have to go through so much misery to be with him?
Or is this misery that I am putting myself through?
I am such a drama queen
But how is it possible that the same person who gives you the utmost joy in the world can also give you the utmost pain in the world..
and
how can the boy love me so v. much to comfort me when I am putting him through the grinder like that?
I think having him in my life is the most splendid thing that has ever happened to me.
But gawd there is so much of a struggle involved in us coming together - the visa, the money, the health, the parents.
And then I think about all the people I went through before I got to him and know with much certainity that he is worth all this misery & uncomfort \

but he still won't fix the bloody date / put the deposit (which frankly I should just go ahead and do but gawd, I just don't want to go through the last time all over again) till the end of the month / beginning of Dec

so this is something I have to let go and trust that he will do, according to his timeline.
like the ring.
which came. according to his timeline.

The one lesson I have learnt from this timeline business is: when giving the boy a timeline, don't give dates by which you hope he will get it done (and never, ever, think he will do it earlier), give him the exact date by which you absolutely want it done.
He is so absolutely literal.