How am I feeling?

A huge load better,
but I still hate my job
That's my inner voice. This has been happening every time somebody asks me how I feel this week.

You ask: How are you?
I say: fine
Inner voice whisper: But I still hate my job.

So, have applied to 8 places to date and only got one interview call so far.
I so know from previous experiences that consistency and perseverance are the blah blah blah key to getting ahead and all that jazz.
But somehow I thought having more experience this time around would make companies jump up and down trying to flag me down instead of the other way round.
No matter, still. going. to. break. out!!
At work, Colleaguefriendwhoisexactlylikemewhichmakesussometimesbestfriendssometimesnot told me yesterday I needed to engage myself more with my new team even if I thought the lot of them were bureaucratic cretins who didn't care for my products.

Me: You are right. I need to be more Machiavelli in my dealings,
Colleaguefriend: like being more indifferent to mores and beliefs and all?
Me: yeah, or maybe Rasputinish
CF: like being able to snake you way to the hearts and souls of people you don't really care for much?
Me: Why are you doing that?
CF: Oh just making sure you know what you are talking about.

See what I mean? We are so alike in our egos that we sometimes hate each other. She's like the big sister who I would hate to have. Such a condescending, know-it-all, bothersome...
OMG - she is me to the Annmol. Dang

Anyhoo, points of rambling post:

1. I am struggling with not knowing my place in new team with history of being in perennial flux.
2. I need a change. I don't think I have lived in one place for more than 6 years my whole life and this is my sixth year here.
3. So, taking a page from a no longer functioning blogger, onward and upward.
4. I truly and honestly believe discontentment of this proportion means I am not going to rest till I get out. The inner dissenting voice says: Hopefully, dear God, hopefully! But what if even though I apply for a ton of places and be very consistent and excellent, the fates don't align to get me out of here. I think the whole wedding has shattered my faith in God and the universe and everything else. I mean, you work, you save, you are good, but ill winds still blow by and destroy everything anyway. So what's the point of trying sometime? Why don't we get all the reasonable good things we hope for? Uhmm...it's not so much not getting the good things you work for, it's not knowing why you didn't get it, or why someone you love is so gifted but so ill. I mean really, not knowing why things happen is what makes God such a dark, twisted conundrum.
   
5. I was a condescending terrible elder sister to the Annmol.

On other news, I have decided to re-embark on Operation weight loss. This time not for any whimsical events that can be changed by acts of God but purely to be able to say,
"When I turned 30, I was in the best shape of my life"