post 8.5 pounds later, a conversation with boy
"So, Me, are you working out now?"
"Yeah...I am" (grating voice in head: no I am not)
"I think Me, that after the whole 8 pounds loss, you've really kind of slowed down."
"I have not." (yes I have)
"Because Me...really, this is serious..."
"You know, what Boy? How dare you? I mean, you are putting so much pressure on me. You are supposed to love irrespective of the way I look. Oh my god, you are such a chauvinist pig! You really are. Next you will be telling me that I need to reshape my nose. This is how people get eating disorders, really" as I reach for another Leibniz Biscuit to dip in coffee. "Hey, did you know the Annmol used to call the Leibniz Biscuit Lebanese Biscuits...how funny is that?"
"What is the connection?"
"Nothing" as I chomp away on the Annmol's coffee soaked lebanese biscuits.
"The point is...if you are not serious about the whole working out and eating healthy, then you will get all psycho on me in October and get all depressed about looking fat. And then you'll be upset during the wedding and you'll take it out on me. And when the photographs come, you'll be depressed FOR EVER and take. it. out. on. me."
"Look. I am working out. OK. I really am. I am just rewarding myself for having lost that weight."
"For two weeks?"
"Yeah, so?"
"Ok. Whatever. I don't care what size you are, as long as you are not getting depressed and taking it out on me. Also remember how when your cousin got married and she looked a little chuby in her sari?"
"She did look hideous."
"Yes, but remember how you wrote her that nasty email."
"yes"
"I just want you to remember she's waiting for you."
"Oh"
(Recap: When simpering younger (by whole buckets of age) cousin got married to Australia travelling boyfriend two years ago, I (in my skinny-but-frustrated-at-not-married-yet moment) wrote her the following email:
"Honey,
Congratulations. Thanks awfully for sending me your fabulous wedding photos. Your sari is absolutely gorgeous but really I was wondering why you wore shoulder pads with your blouse. Oh wait. Oh its not shoulder pads...silly me, it's just you, a bit chubby...but fabulous still the same (smiley face)
Lots of love,
ME")
I wish I had never sent it. But I did.
And now like the boy says, I must reap fruits of my bitchy seeds.
9 comments:
OH, MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SENT THAT TO HER!!!
I hate to agree with the Boy, but I do. She's just waiting for...I know it!
Oh, Me... Put down that cookie and get back on the treadmill because if you don't, there will be hell-to-pay! Boy is pretty wise and definitely thinking ahead.
I nearly fell off my chair laughing! Just don't send her any wedding photographs, but she is going to get you one day no question!
oh yeah, and I read Anmol as Arnold ( please don't ask how) and I assumed the Terminator and the Governer of California called Leibniz biscuits Lebanese biscuits and that really confused me because I thought isn't it a Germanic kind of name anyway? I clicked on the link and came back and realised my mistake. I don't know why I'm leaving this comment - I think it's because I heart Ahnold!
Can you put up a few pictures? why art thou hiding behind anonymity?
Okay, I have to echo Paperback writer here and say- WTF?? You really sent that to her? Omigod.
Um, did she write back? I always want to know these things...
"Two weeks" - that's hilarious! Boy is at the top of his comic form, I see.
And Lebanese biscuits. I personally thought that was funny as hell. Lebanese-Leibniz..hahaha...Maybe it's because we all used to call Baklava, Lebanese sweets, and still do.
Have to give the Boy a hand for being so PC- 'a little chubby'. All in all, great fun to read.
M.L.
I can't stop laughing. You bad bad bad girl! LOL
Sigh.
Yes...you are all right!
sigh more
Oh, you are terrible! I knew we would be good friends!
You know, it's funny, though. Whenever my husband gets on me about my weight in even the slightest way, I have this urge to say "screw you for not having faith in me" and eat everything in sight. Glad to hear I am not the only one.
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