I need to write this
Because I have to know if I am the only one.
After scary neighbour yelled at me, I was jumpy the whole day.
I called The Boyfriend to tell him about it and immediately regretted it.
Because this is how it went.
Me: So she yells and yells. And I called the cops but it still rankles.
TB: So back-up, what exactly did she say?
Me: Uh? I don't know she said you effing this, you b that...but I am just so upset that ...
TB: And what did you guys do?
Me: We called the cops.
TB: Ok. Did you call the cops in front of her or while you were driving away? What about the leasing office?
Me: I don't know. While driving away, I guess. The leasing office's washed their hands off us. But I am just so upset that...
TB: They did. Give me their number.
And it goes on. He needs to know details. Questions me endlessly, prepares to do list to combat situation.
TB, honey, it doesn't work that way. I need to cry. and be told that it'll be ok. I need to be listened to. You are my best friend and I want you to listen while I cry. My logical side knows what to do and has already set things in motion. My emotional side needs your help.
We ended up hanging up on each other.
Me, feeling a lot better but a bit sad that though I got my emotional cartharsis, it was at the cost of the boy.
The Boy feeling frustrated at not knowing how to help.
In our four years together, we go through the same discussion/argument so many times.
Are all men like this or have I got a special one here?
How can I help him understand that the greatest help he can give me is being my shoulder to cry on? And that emotional help is as great, even greater than logical help. Are the plethora of emotions in my head overwhelming my poor logical, analytical, emotionally black and white boy?
6 comments:
Loki puts it best this way: girls want to vent their problems, boys want to fix them.
This is what the boy needs to know: "Yes, I want you fix the problem, however FIRST I need you to listen to me. After I am calmer and collected then help me fix the problem."
Loki is still trying very hard to learn this lesson.
They all want to try and fix the problem.
I try saying I want to fix this on my own, I just need to use you as a sounding board and then vent my heart out.
Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't.
:)
ps: what good are we if we can't fix the leaking pipe or change the light bulb??
listening without jumping into action wasn't programmed into our system by the ONE up above. but every now and then we do manage to violate our norms and actually listen.
I think that men are wired that when they are presented with something, they automatically want to fix it. Most of them don't understand that it's usually better to just let us vent.
The first time I did this with hubby (I don't remember what it was about - I'm sure something just hit me wrong) and he said to me "What do you want me to do about it?"
I gave him the WTF look "Nothing. I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening. I feel much better now."
He then gave me the WTF look. Like I had offended him in some way by not letting him do something.
Jeez.
omigod - i'm not a man! (i fix nothing and get an earful aplenty for being nothing more than all ears and hugs - trust me on this - its much better the way y'all have it going for you!!)
Sigh.
Well, thanks you all, I feel so glad I am not alone in this. And Meghant - ears and hugs ! somebody is going to be/is very happy with that. And yes nach - we are glad you can fix things.
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